Oh the things you can do with....Saltines?

I am not much of a cook.  I've mentioned this before, but I feel like I need to say it often just so there is no mistaking my ability lest someone at some point expect me to actually create something delicious without copious amounts of effort, sweat, tears, maybe a little blood if sharp knives are involved and unfortunately (**note to self for New Year's Resolutions...) a little bit of cursing.

However, I was recently introduced to Pioneer Woman's blog and discovered that deep down inside of me is a serious desire to be...be...be...more?  I don't know what the exact word is that I'm looking for, but I was MOTIVATED...and especially motivated to cook.  And knowing myself as I do...and knowing my propensity toward cooking I decided I better jump on this motivation train and choo choo my way to something delicious.  (Was that the worst little analogy or what?  Choo choo!)

Long story short...this blog had a cookie week...  And just because its the holidays and I've really been hankering for enormous amounts a small nibble of chocolate goodness of some kind I decided to try the Almond Chocolate Toffee Crunchies.

I am not an intuitive cook.  This means that there must be a recipe and using words like "pinch" or "dash" cannot be part of the instructions.  Neither can words like, "season to taste" or "try any flavoring you think would be delicious."  You might as well put, "just throw the whole thing into the garbage now instead of wasting your time fretting over what you should put in this and getting it wrong in the end anyhow."  

Phew.

The good news is Almond Chocolate Toffee Crunchies did not have any "do it yourself" phrasing in it...I scanned it briefly and then headed to the kitchen to make them.

Now this just goes to show you how poorly prepared I am as a cook in any capacity.  While I looked for the DIY phrasing - I totally failed to read the ingredients to make sure I had them all.  But, I got lucky in that there were really only 5 ingredients and I had all but one of them. 

The first thing on the list was one sleeve of saltines. 

What?

Almond chocolate toffee crunchies are saltines?  I distinctly remember the thought "Maybe I should just slather some nutella on a saltine and call it good" roll through my brain, but no...It's Christmas and that added to my madness desire to insert some holiday cheer in the form of sugar into my home.  However, the idea that I was supposed to concoct some kind of holiday treat out of saltines was not what I was expecting...

Regardless, I set my child labor to work laying out the saltines on a greased cookie sheet...

I was so proud of her.  I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "Hey...she cooks like me."  In particular - the evenly lined up first row of saltines that gives way quicly to a curve that says, "I do things my own way..."  and finally ending with random crackers just put wherever...and, of course, do you see the nibbles on some of the crackers?  Good thing we share cooties at my house.

Then comes the part where I really truly did have to follow the recipe closely.  Sugar + butter.  Mmmmmm 

Melt then pour...

Baking...baking...baking...baking...baking....DING!

I'm only putting this part in because I want to just mention that I was prepped for this part.  I premeasured the chocolate chips and had them ready to go...  NO...it had nothing to do with fact that I like chocolate.  But my child labor WAS paid in chocolate chips...I HAD to open the bag early.

Spread and let them melt...

Spread the melt...

Add ground hazelnut instead of almonds (This would be the part where actually making sure you had the ingredients would have been good.)

Cool...cut and eat...

I am a Almond Hazelnut Chocolate Toffee Crunchies GODDESS.