I drove for a long time yesterday to make it all the way to Tucson where Mr. Chucklehead is at. We missed our 3-year anniversary on Wednesday together and I just couldn't wait one more day in Phoenix being only 90 miles away from him and not try and just make the drive... So we drove and drove and drove and drove...it was a 10 hour day in the car (and please knock me over the head with a 2X4 if I ever think doing that again with an infant is a good idea.)
However, the tradeoff was that of seeing Mr. C and I think I can safely say that both Bella and I were unbelievably tearfully happy to be back in his arms.
So this morning when he heads out the door of the hotel room to get his Army work done for the day I had grand plans to take a walk around Tucson, go see some of the city, maybe do a little shopping...visit a friend or two if they are around...and then it happened...
Bella fell asleep. She went down at 10AM. Its now 3:48PM and she is still sleeping. The poor little girl must be absolutely exhausted. At first I was antsy...TV was on, TV was off, I pulled out my crafts, I put them away, I played on the computer, I cleaned up my clothes, I sorted the dirty ones for laundry, I debated on the ethics of leaving a baby in a hotel room to get a load of wash done (I decided that was a bad idea) and I was actually feeling irritated that I had to be cooped up all day in this hotel room with "nothing" to do. Not irritated with Bella...just irritated at the situation. So I sat down and started to think...then I started daydreaming a little...and I started remembering...
I remember being 10 and dressed up in leotards with my sisters and doing gymnastics in our living room. We had so much fun together with the music blasting and all of us in tights with giant runs up the legs, but we thought we were beautiful and talented. We have a great photograph of all of us lined up. Even my brother is there in his manly shorts and t-shirt set...oh yes, the great Ray loved doing gymnastics with his sisters.
I remember being 12 and sitting on the front of the riding lawnmower with the little red wagon tied to the back and my dad driving us around the neighborhood...me on the hood of it and my little sisters or neighbor kids in the back of the wagon. We loved that riding lawnmower...and as funny as we eastern Oregon hicks must have looked to the sophisticated city folk we sure did laugh a lot...We have a photo of this too...I can't believe I wore those shorts and thought it was a good idea to pair them with tube socks.
I remembered canoe trips down the clackamas river with my family and Christmas pixieing at the Harris', and girls camp, and playing the guess the song game in the middle of the night with Sarah while we'd pluck out the tune on the elastic waistband of our undies. I remember wearing pink curlers in my hair so it would be curly before church on Sunday and the big pillows we'd call "Place Back Period" for when we had to get up and do something so noone could take our spot on the them. I remember car trips to my grandparents and whoever saw their house first was the "weiner" and picking asparagus along the ditchbanks and skating on the frozen ditch with my siblings and...and...and...
BAM! **Ton of brick falling on my head at this moment**
I had to go pick up Bella and just hold her in her deep sleep and I vowed not to waste a minute more being irritated...I held my little girl in my arms and promised that I would not waste any more of this day worrying about things I couldn't do...this day was mine to just hold her, rub her back, touch each of those little tiny fingers and toes, memorize that cute little button nose and the way her hair curls away from her face...I didn't have to worry about anything. I had food, clothing and shelter. I was safe and warm. I had no work to do or chores to finish or house to clean. If I wanted I could just hold her in my arms all day long and not feel bad one bit. So I sat there with her in my arms and I've been trying so hard to memorize what my baby girl looks like at 3 months old because she won't stay this way for long. She'll grow up and get bigger and yes, we'll make many new memories that someday she'll smile about as I did today.
But we won't ever have today back again.
Don't waste another minute.