Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Wonderful and Terrible

Oh!  I've been so delinquent in posting for the past couple of weeks.  You can't really blame me...right?  I mean it was the only 2 weeks in the last 8 months I've had my sexpot husband back home with me...

I have soooo much catching up to do.  I figured I'd just do a big fat list right here and right now and then I decided I'm too tired and depressed to do that.  Instead I'm just going to focus on today.  Thats about all I can muster right now...

John got back here on the 6th of February and we just stuck him back on a plane for Afghanistan this morning.  I've cried out all my tears today.  Poor little Bella didn't know what to make of her mama being a big bawl baby...she just kept patting my arm and saying, "sad mama...so sad mama..." 

He walked Maddie to school this morning.  We thought it would be better for her to have a semblance of a normal day today...it was the right choice.  She came home happy and even though she missed her dad...I think the airport would have created a lot more drama than I really wanted. (read - could handle being an emotional wreck myself.)

So R&R is over...we laughed and played and loved and giggled and tickled and sang songs and wrestled... 

Git yer mind out of the gutter.  WE means the girls and John and I...not John and I.  Although we did giggle and wrestle and tickle some.  he he he

At the same time...it was hard for him to be a dad and not a soldier.  It was hard for him to not worry about what was happening in Afghanistan while he was here.  It was hard for him to turn off his brain and get more than 4-5 hours of sleep each night. 

There were times that having him here were wonderful.  And there were times that having him here were terrible. 

I think what I'm taking from this experience is that you can't be gone in a war zone for 8 months and come back "the same."  And on our end...you can't have someone gone for 8 months and have them come back and just slide back into their "old role" that they used to occupy.

You can't rely on the past to sustain relationships for the future.

You have to let some things just go...and become the past...and leave it that way.

You have to continue to have dreams.

You have to learn to share who you are and who you are becoming when you are far away from your spouse and they are far away from you...maybe there is less "culture shock" that way?

It was easier to say goodbye this time because I know our time is short.  Three more months.  Three more months and he's home for good.

I love you John.  I miss you.  Be safe.


The Hannant Family said...

I'm sad for you. I continue to be amazed by you. I'm teary as I read this because The thought of having to say goodbye for a day makes me ache. I am happy that your time away will seem so short in comparrison.

Of course I'm a little "hormonal" right now so everything is a little bit "bigger, sadder, happier,angrier". I love you!! You are awesome.

kajr said...

I hope this next block of time goes fast!
You two are amazing. You're right...you can't expect him to be the same, just as he can't expect you to be the same.
Hugs to you

Christy said...
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Christy said...

Oh Anna. :[ Your post breaks my heart. You are so incredibly brilliantly wise. It's more to deal with than ANY person should have to deal, and yet you do it with such amazing clarity and grace. It's okay to deal with it with plenty of tears, too. As Bella wisely said, "Sad mama/Alley." Of course. Many hugs and prayers for you all for the next few months.

The Days of your Life said...

I love you sis and think you are amazingly strong.
Hugs and prayers to you and countdown til I see you!!!!

TheMuffinMom said...

Wow. You amaze me. You are truly a warrior wife extraordinaire