Monday, March 02, 2009

If Cruella came to stay...

This has been on my mind and since this is my place to put my thoughts...not just adorable pictures of Isabella, I thought I better just churn it out on paper before I exploded...

One of my dear stepmom (SM) friends is custodial to a 17 y/o boy that has gotten in trouble with the law. His mother lives in Europe and he rarely sees her. My SM friend and her husband decided (after doing all they felt was humanly possible for this boy) to invite the mom to come and help get stepson back in line and hopefully out of trouble with the law for good. So, she INVITED HER TO STAY AT HER HOUSE.

Maybe this isn't so crazy to some of you out there that have never dealt with stepparent life, but let me just say that my mouth dropped to the ground and I nearly fell over and the first expression out of my mouth was, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" There is no way in H.e. double hockeysticks that would ever happen.

I posed this question to John...What if Maddie lived with us and 10 years from now she was in trouble...would you invite Cruella to come stay at our house with us to help out and try and remedy the situation?

I hate to say it, but neither of us had any kind of heartfelt welcoming feelings even when pitched with the idea that MadMad might really be in trouble.

Well, I was humbled and a little ashamed of my vehement reaction when my SM friend said this, "She asked me, in a quiet moment, why I was doing this -- letting her come, inviting her into my house and into our lives. And I said, if the situation were reversed, I'd want the chance to be in my son's life, in whatever way I could, and that I'd hope be treated as well as I'm trying to treat her and she teared up. It was a really tender moment."

Not only was she nominated for the Stepmom Nobel Peace Prize by all my stepmom friends, but it made me stop and reconsider...first, there is little chance that we will ever be fully custodial to any of his kids, so I feel comfort in that fact, but what if...for some reason Bella were in trouble...what would I do or what would I want...who would I bring into my life if I thought it might help her?

Heaven forbid that it ever mean Cruella is the answer...I hate to admit it, but my resolve to be the bigger person would probably crumble beneath me.

This is what I count on my stepmom friends for - eye-opening, though provoking, character flaw identifying conversations.


TricotChico said...

I hope you compile these one day into a hilarious and heartwarming book. :o)

Anonymous said...

I second that motion! I've been beggin you to write a book for--howmany years now??

Seriously, you are such a good person, for your ability to put yourself in Cruella's shoes as per your friend's example. Your ability to do this is astounding, but really, if you should ever have to send your little Bella to be with a stepmom, you know how you'd want her treated, which is how you've been treating these kids all along. TOo bad Cruella doesn't have that perspective!